What is Domestic Abuse?
When you hear the words “domestic abuse”, what is your first reaction?
For most people these words immediately create the mental image of a suffering spouse with black eyes, and possible broken bones. However, although physical abuse is definitely part of the abuse cycle, domestic abuse can involve much more and usually does. And because domestic abuse usually involves areas other than physical violence, many do not see the suffering of friends or even members of their own family. Ironically, sometimes one can actually be blind to the fact that they, themselves, are involved in an abusive relationship.
“Wait,” you ask. “How can one possibly miss the fact that they are in the center of domestic abuse?”
Good question.
The answer is that abuse can, and usually does, come in many forms besides the physical. In fact, physical abuse in the home is called domestic violence, while mental & emotional abuses are actually the conditions considered “domestic abuse”. Most of the time domestic abuse will be tied into serious control issues and the desire for complete domination by a spouse or significant other. This kind of abuse starts with the need for control; it can readily be seen when a spouse completely takes over his or her mate’s time, money, friends, wardrobe, or even diet.
The next step is usually a constant belittling and demeaning verbal onslaught, which will include massive amounts of guilt and shame. Abusive people use these tactics so that the abused will feel that they deserve their mate’s scorn and harsh treatment. This allows for more abuse to be heaped upon the victims as they become convinced that they have earned their companion’s constant disdain and ridicule. As the abuser adds generous doses of fear and intimidation, the victim succumbs to the feelings of guilt and begins to believe that he/she is not only worthless but the actual cause of the problem. Once begun, this vicious cycle is extremely hard to break out of, but it can be done.
Recognizing domestic abuse is the first step to healing.
